One of the most common traps consultants fall into is giving advice that sounds like a lecture. It comes from a well-meaning place: the consultants know they’re right and simply want the client to follow their recommendation. But telling people what to do, especially when they are stressed, uncertain, or emotionally attached to their current approach, rarely works.
A powerful mindset shift can improve how we advise: speak as if you’re advising your mother or father.
When you speak to a parent, you naturally soften your tone. You show respect. You don’t just say “you’re wrong”; you carefully explain your thinking. You acknowledge that their experience and perspective matter, even if you disagree. This mindset leads to better conversations, and ultimately, better outcomes.
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Advising with empathy, not authority
Clients are more likely to listen when they feel heard. Before giving advice, take time to understand where the client is coming from: what they believe, why they’re doing things a certain way, and what they might be worried about. When people feel that you see their situation clearly, they are more open to your perspective.
This doesn’t mean avoiding tough conversations. It means delivering tough messages with care. Clients are more likely to act on advice when they feel it comes from a place of partnership rather than judgment.
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Be a teacher, not a preacher
Good advisors don’t just say “the answer is B.” They help clients understand why the answer is B. They guide clients through the reasoning, sometimes even helping them arrive at the conclusion themselves.
This approach takes more time, but it pays off in trust and buy-in. When clients feel ownership over the decision, they are more committed to following through.
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Adapt your style to the client
Some clients want detailed explanations. Others prefer short, direct recommendations. Some respond well to open-ended questions. Others need more structure.
There is no one-size-fits-all advisory style. The best advisors adapt their communication to match the client’s needs. Saying “that’s just my style” is not an excuse. Being a professional means being flexible and responsive.
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Use language that invites, not instructs
The way advice is framed matters. Consider the difference between:
- “You need to stop doing that.”
- “Can I offer a different way to look at this?”
Small changes in language can reduce resistance and build rapport. The goal is not to sound passive, it’s to open the door to dialogue rather than close it with a command.
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Don’t skip the emotional context
Sometimes, what seems like a bad decision is driven by fear, politics, or uncertainty. If a client keeps delaying a change, it might not be because they don’t understand, it might be because they’re worried about the consequences.
Ask questions like:
- What would be the risk of doing this?
- How do others in the organization feel about this?
- What are you most concerned about?
These questions show you’re aware of the human dimension, not just the logical one.
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Influencing a group means working one-on-one
In many cases, your “client” isn’t just one person—it’s a group of stakeholders. Each person has their own views and their own degree of power.
If you wait until the group meeting to learn what each person thinks, it’s too late. Call people individually in advance. Understand their concerns. Get a sense of the political dynamics. Then you can structure the group conversation in a way that brings alignment.
Also, always summarize at the end of meetings. People often walk away with different interpretations unless you take the time to recap what was discussed and what was agreed.
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We all need help seeing ourselves
Even experienced advisors sometimes come across as too blunt, too passive, or too uncertain—without realizing it. The best way to learn how you sound is to rehearse with a colleague or record yourself. What you discover might surprise you.
As the poet Robert Burns wrote: “O would some power the giftie give us, to see ourselves as others see us.”
In the end, it’s about partnership
Clients don’t want to be told what to do. They want someone who listens, understands, and helps them see clearly. They want a partner, not a preacher.
Advising as if you’re speaking to your mother or father is a simple way to check your tone, mindset, and humility. When in doubt, ask yourself: if someone spoke to me this way, would I feel respected? Would I want to listen?
Great advisors don’t just give the right answers. They help people want to hear them.